no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
