i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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