so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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