it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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