Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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