what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize