this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Im part way to drunk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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