can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
