Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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