wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
