Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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