i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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