would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize