where am i from again
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
