On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
