I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
