end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
