look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
