The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
