Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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