My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
