FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
