i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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