so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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