Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The uberlube is also flammable
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
