i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
