If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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