You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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