That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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