i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
