It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
