I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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