apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
