Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
