Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
