everyone is single if you try hard enough
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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