so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
