I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
