well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
