He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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