I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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