This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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