Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
