You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize