definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
