Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
