no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
