This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
