your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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