whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
