I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you didnt know i had herpes?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
