i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
