2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
