May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize