I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
