just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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