you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
this will be a night to untag.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
