she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
