i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
