Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
