How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
