i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
