on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize