I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
