you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize