Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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