I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
