She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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