Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
