Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
