I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
