I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
