so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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