i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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